Tune in every weekday from 3pm to 7pm on your ride home with Knoxville's own Jeff Jarnigan, who will keep you up to date with weather, traffic, and plenty of your favorite songs!

Here's the news story you heard on the air about my grassroots Presidential run....

Some random thoughts.....

To be fair to President Bush, the man isn't responsible for all our economic troubles, although he didn't help end that perception yesterday when he was asked to make a comment about Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae and said Angelina Jolie could name her twins anything she wanted.

Bush's approval ratings goes lower and lower and is close to reaching places we've never seen a President go before. Currently he's now dropped somewhere between Nixon after Watergate and the hunter who shot Bambi.

A woman in Potter Valley, CA took out a .44 Magnum to shoot mice in her trailer, and dropped the gun, which fired a bullet that grazed her knee and the groin of a man standing nearby - as our Founding Fathers surely intended when they wrote the 2nd Amendment.

Scientists at Stanford say they are very close to developing chocolate that won't melt. It's chocolate you can eat in hot climates and it won't get messy. Apparently, they're holding off on finding an alternative fuel source to get that all-important warm chocolate breakthrough first.

Democratic officials will reportedly be handing out free movie passes to the homeless in Denver during the week of the Democratic convention in August. Apparently party officials don't want anybody begging at the convention that week but the Clintons. If could still get ugly though if those passes are to "Love Guru" and "Meet Dave".

NASA scientists say the Earth often emits high-pitched screams that can be heard from outer space. Well of course, if you were Earth, wouldn't you?

Talk about a do-nothing Congress, they've been so bad that the Iraq government has actually reached more benchmarks than our government.

I saw where leading scientists are predicting a major earthquake will rock California within the next 30 years. So, these scientists are basically giving themselves a 30 year margin of error to be right once........ Sounds a whole lot like us picking Presidents, doesn't it?

Am I the only one who thinks that every time I see former Prez Bill Clinton on TV he looks more and more like W.C. Fields?

Do you remember the good old days when you'd go to the airport and the worst thing that could happen was to learn your flight had been cancelled?  These days you go to the airport to see if your entire airline has been cancelled!

Here's the letter to the IRS read on the air to accompany my 2007 tax payment.....

Dear Internal Revenue Service:

Enclosed you will find my 2007 tax return showing that I owe $3,407.00 in taxes.  Please also note the attached article from the USA Today newspaper dated November 12th, wherein you will see the Pentagon (Department of Defense) is paying $171.50 per hammer and NASA has paid $600.00 per toilet seat.

I am enclosing four (4) toilet seats (valued @ $2,400) and six (6) hammers (valued @ $1,029) which I secured at Home Depot, bringing my total remittance to $3,429.00. Please apply the overpayment of $22.00 to the "Presidential Election Fund," as noted on my return.  You may do this inexpensively by sending the one (1) 1.5 inch Phillips Head screw (see aforementioned article from USA Today newspaper detailing how HUD pays $22.00 each for 1.5 inch Phillips Head screws.) One screw is enclosed for your convenience.

It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year and I look forward to paying it again next year.

Sincerely,

A Satisfied Taxpayer

YOUR AGE BY EATING OUT

Don't tell me your age; you probably would tell a falsehood anyway-but your waiter may know!

YOUR AGE BY DINER & RESTAURANT MATH

This is pretty neat

DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!


It takes less than a minute. Work this out as you read .

Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!

This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun.

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to go out to eat.
(more than once but less than 10)

2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)

3. Add 5

4. Multiply it by 50

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1758...

If you haven't, add 1757.

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.

You should have a three digit number

The first digit of this was your original number. (I.e., How many times you want to go out to restaurants in a week.)


The next two numbers are

YOUR AGE ! ------ (Oh YES, it is!)


THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2008) IT WILL EVER WORK   SO SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE IT LASTS

Actual repair reports filed by pilots and the written responses from airport technicians...

P: signifies Pilot note of problem

S: signifies Tech's note of solution

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

 Here are some things I learned from my mother: 

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC. " Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.

"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION

"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

"Just wait until your father gets home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.

"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.

"You're just like your fat her."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.

"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.

"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!

Let me tell you a little bit about a weekend last summer...

I'm fishing with my daughter when during a cast the reel flies apart during my cast and the lure I'm using catches the biggest largemouth I've ever hooked.  After a trip to a local walk-in clinic  the lure was removed intact (Thanks Dr. Deichert!) and we were on our way back home.  The only real issue was when my wife asked the doctor's staff if they could filet the catch.

She's a keeper.

This is why I like the catch and release method.

By the way, it didn't hurt nearly as much as it looks like it did! 

 About Jeff: